Archive for July 2006

The Young and the Restless and Luke Walton

July 31, 2006


Doe-eyed son of a burnout Luke Walton is making a run at becoming a multi-sport athlete: basketball and soap operas. Our man Luke has taped an appearance on The Young and the Restless last week. In the scene, he plays basketball with Y&R “star” Kristoff St. John and, as a nice change of pace, he didn’t have much trouble boxing out.

This got us thinking- The Young and the Restless isn’t a bad fit for Walton (though we would have looked at Sebastian Telfair, Delmon Young and that girl that won the spelling bee while smelling her hands). If the world of the speaking box was looking for more cameo appearances, what shows would other athletes be on? This is what we came up with.

Frostee Rucker- Passions

Daunte Culpepper- Seaquest

Jeff Weaver- Family Feud

Ha Seung Jin- America’s Next Top Model

Andre Kirilenko- Wife Swap

Jerome James-the whole Food Network

Harold Reynolds- Real Sex

Michael Strahan- The View (replacing Star Jones)

J.D. Drew- General Hospital

Shawn Kemp- All My Children

Are you ready, Milwaukee?

July 31, 2006

hacksawsplash2.gif

The Milwaukee Bucks trade of Jamal Magloire for Portland’s Ha-Seung Jin has been finalized pending the players passing medical physicals.

Ha in Milwaukee is eerily similar to that Werner Herzog movie about a retarded ex prisioner who leaves Germany for the American Dream and settles in a trailer park in Wisconsin.

Let’s hope that Milwaukee has a anger management program in place for Ha. At a practice in Portland in 2005, according to John Carzano of the Oregonian, Ha went Hacksaw Jim Duggan on his teammate:

“And as the players usually do at the end of a workout, that particular Friday the two were shooting free throws together in silence.

Peaceful enough.

That is, until Sinanovic made his final free throw, then retrieved the basketball and held it. Ha walked over and snatched it back. Then, Sinanovic said something under his breath and two men — 7-4 and 7-3 — ended up on the ground in a pile of wildly swinging elbows and fists.

The fight was broken up by Blazers staffers, and insiders said Ha, who got punched, was left shouting, “I’ll sue! I’ll sue!”

The two were escorted to different areas of the practice facility, and normally the story would end here. Except Ha’s neutral corner was the team weight room. And so he picked up one of those wooden poles that players use to stretch and went after Sinanovic, who blocked one swing with his forearm but took another in the ribs before someone ripped the pole (think: closet dowel) from Ha’s hands and threw it across the courts.”

leviathan200303201738170.jpg

Rebuilding Year is not worried about a repeat Ha explosion. Foreign objects are not as easy to find in Milwaukee as they are outside of the Portland TrailBlazer’s locker-room. And if Ha happened to beat Charlie Villanueva with a 2 by 4 we wouldn’t even mind. Nothing will get in the way of Rebuilding Year’s excitement over seeing Ha dressed up in these ugly uniforms.

funny ha ha

July 29, 2006

jin01_vt.jpg

The buzz from Portland Sports Radio’s FAN 1080 is that the Portland Trailblazer’s Ha-Seung Jin might be traded as part of a package to Milwaukee for Jamal Magloire.

Let’s hope these trade talks progress and Milwaukee closes this deal. The more Ha is in the news, the more excuses we have to post different pictures we have of him. And right now we have upwards of 100 ready to be busted out at a moment’s notice.

puerto rico wins something

July 28, 2006

xinsrc_23207032509592652308431.jpg

Charles Barkley is considering running for Governor. That lunatic from Alabama who insists on hanging the ten commandments sounds like a more appealing option.

But let’s move on to more exciting news: 86 nations gathered from around the world to crown a new Miss Universe. It was, as they say, a slobberknocker, but Miss Puerto Rico emerged victorious.

I’m sincerely glad for Puerto Rico. They deserve something positive and maybe this will quiet them down on the whole statehood issue.

Miss Puerto Rico’s message of hope and opportunity for the little people made me misty-eyed. When Miss PR declared confidently to the audience and judges, “I want to tell those people there’s always problems in life, but there’s always possibilities to improve things” I thought she was positively Reaganesque!

Nevertheless, I was a bit disappointed in the selection of Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza as numero uno. I had her projected as a 6-10 pick and believe that anything higher is an absolute a reach given the other value on the board (Miss Japan anyone?!).

And the immediate aftermath of the pageant only confirmed my worst fears. It turns out that the newly crowned Miss Universe fainted only an hour after she won. Her falling apart so early in her tenure ranks right at the top of the list of big time chokers. This is clearly an early sign that Miss Puerto Rico is already feeling the burden of her reign. Is it too early for a Miss Universe recall campaign?

swimming upstream

July 27, 2006

baked_salmon.jpg

Evidently God wanted guard John Salmons to sign with Sacramento instead of Toronto. Said the mediocre Salmons:

“It was just more of a spiritual thing. I’m a pretty spiritual guy and I didn’t feel like that’s where God wanted me to be at. I had no idea what the reason was, but I just asked God” said Salmons.

It turns out that God speaks through more then just some average overpaid Sacramento lovingbasketball player named after a fish. Yahweh took time out of his packed schedule (today he was busy filling out the paperwork so Lance Bass would go to hell) to sit down with Rebuilding Year. He asked we pass the following along to our dedicated readership:

God believes Reggie Bush should sign a contract and spare the people of New Orleans more misery.

God sees nothing wrong with Harold Reynolds long hugs.

God prefers Steve Nash with hair. And he can’t wait to try some of Patrick O’Bryant’s cheesecake.

fore

July 26, 2006

mashburn_jamal.jpg

I’m shocked to read Jamal Mashburn finally made a shot that’s going to count for something.

These days it seems like golf is no longer intertwined with Zen. If you’re not being sued for your slice, then you are a target for Islamo-Fascist Terrorists who loathe freedom and have an ideology of hate.

Maybe it’s time for middle aged white men (and retired NBA players) to discover a new hobby

canned goods containing meat

July 23, 2006

bilde.jpg

Today’s Detroit News reports that Derrick Coleman , former NBA retard, is opening up his own men’s clothing stores. Evidently Derrick is a better retailer then he was a rebounder. No word yet on whether he will be selling designer prision uniforms

Among Coleman’s many arrests during his playing days included a time where he was handcuffed for public intoxication. While resisting this arrest he sprained an ankle and missed his next game. Coleman’s attorneys ended up working out a plea bargain for this incident in which Coleman agreed to donate $5,000 worth of “canned goods containing meat” to a food bank in order to keep him out of the slammer.