Red Rain is falling down. Red Rain.

Russians love hockey. We know this. They are a proud people who love skating on ice and whacking pucks into an open net while they feast on the blood of the innocent. Whoa. Sorry. We were just transported back to 1985.

ANYWAY, the Russians love hockey and a few specific ones are mad as hell at the Pittsburg Penguins for “stealing” Evgeni Malkin. The former best player on Russia’s superleague team Metallurg Magnitogorsk, Malkin’s departure was unexpected by the Russian coaching staff. According to the Metallurg head coach, “The players, coaching staff are also very upset because for four days Malkin was training with the team and suddenly he is gone without saying a word to anyone.” Sounds like

Not only are the coaches and owners riled up, they’re pulling every card in the deck. In a conversation with Reuters, the Metallurg general director said, “They all like to talk about democracy, the American way and then they shamelessly steal our best players. This is pure sports terrorism. Don’t forget, Malkin is a young kid, he is still very naive and it was easy for them to get into his head all that stuff about the American dream and how great the NHL is.” SPORTS TERRORISM!!! CODE ORANGE!!! SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!!!

It is no wonder hockey is on the Outdoor Life Network; network TV coudn’t contain this drama.

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One Comment on “Red Rain is falling down. Red Rain.”

  1. Isaiah Says:

    Do you think Malkin was allowed through airport security with ice skates? Or did he have to put them through the conveyor belts that don’t do shit


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