A Franchise Fable

A few years ago, I dated this girl. Things were really great between the two of us. Of course there were growing pains every relationship experiences but we always worked them out and the bond grew stronger with every conflict. As things went on, I started changing my life in ways I didn’t think I would. I went to movies I didn’t really like, wore clothes that weren’t really my style and got a haircut that one friend described as “risky.” Things started to go downhill when she asked to borrow a significant sum of money. We’re not talking thousands of dollars but it was enough that I felt it. The thing was, she never seemed to want to pay it back. She’d go out to dinner with “the girls,” do some online shopping. She even went on a weekend vacation with a male friend she met in college. When I questioned her about getting the money back, she got very defensive and started throwing all these minor things back at me: how I don’t floss, how I hang my t-shirts on hangers, this one time when we were in a department store and I wouldn’t go look at underwear with her because it made me feel “weird.”

Long story short, we broke up. I left a bunch of stuff at her place but never got any of it back. At the time, I would have gladly given her all the CDs and old sweatshirts and crazy sombreros we got this one night at Margarita’s she wanted just to get out of the relationship. Good riddance, I thought. I thought.

Some of our mutual friends kept us updated on each other. Every time I heard the “So I ran into _____ the other day,” I’d always smirk because it always sounded like I was doing better than her. She was always having these wild relationships with random guys who never worked out. It made me feel even better about having my life in order.

Then I ran into her. I was coming out of the dry cleaners and she was putting money in the meter. I had no idea she still lived here. After an awkward hey how are you, she told me she just moved back. I guess things got to hectic and she felt the need to “come home.” I’m not sure how it happened but we agreed to get dinner together. After dinner and a few drinks she came back to my place and… We’re kind of together again.

The problem is, nothing has changed. She’s still getting on me for little things, still using all the spreadable butter and putting the tub back in the fridge. The kicker came last week when she asked to borrow some money. I almost flipped out on her. Did she think I was this dumb? Was I supposed to forget the last time she never paid me back? How she used the money to go on a vacation with some other guy? Fuck that.

I gave in after three days. I mean, how could I not? But now she’s back to the same old stuff. How could I be this fucking stupid? Now I’m going to have to break up with her again and, again, I’ll have to do it at a monetary loss. I swear, I’ll never get tricked like that again.

Houston, I really should have told you this before you resigned Steve Francis, huh?

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2 Comments on “A Franchise Fable”


  1. […] you cut Marbury loose, perhaps you can sign Steve Francis to “fill the void” left by Marbury’s departure. Explore posts in the same […]


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